It appears as though children are these naturally chaotic hoarders. From the stuffed animals to the rocks and shells, or even what has been handed down to them. They appear to want it all, and then make this big fuss about letting any of it go. At times, it appears that they prefer to have a bedroom or playroom that is a total disaster and would much rather not bother to see the floor of it. And yet still only play with a very small percentage of what is spread out all over it.
But then, these same kids also gravitate to rooms in the home that are more comfortable, clear of clutter, airy, spacious, inviting – and they begin to play there instead! So what is going on here? How come our kids won’t let go, nor take care of these items that they call theirs. While deep down preferring to spend time in a tidier space? I will explain a bit of the why’s and how’s from a perspective based on behavioural psychology.
WHY KIDS GET SO ATTACHED
First off, as children are growing and expanding, they are developing their sense of self and their own identity. What ends up happening, as they are exploring this brand new and developing identity, their limbic brain, or the ego, attaches meaning to the objects that they call theirs, and automatically attaches on to it now as a piece of who they are. They value that sense of self significantly, and in turn, ignore the fact that their environment in fact has a significant impact on how they feel and in turn behave.
So it can be a little confusing for them, why they have to part with pieces of themselves in order to have this so-called tidy bedroom that is so sought after by their parents. Also, keep in mind that while their brains are developing, up until around the age of 7, children exist primarily in their subconscious/limbic brain – which is why they tend to be fantastically imaginative. This also means that they are existing in a way that puts their ego or sense of self in front of logic or reason. Hence the refusal to reduce their stuffy collection from 150 to 100 and the potential meltdown when asked about it.
GET THEM ENGAGED THROUGH PLAY
So here is my offering, let’s meet these little ones where they are at, in their limbic brain, and work with them there, instead of from a place of our conscious logic brains. And let’s not forget to make it fun. We can create a scenario that feels like gaining instead of losing, we can empower them and engage them with their magic imagination and gamified play.
There definitely is a process to achieving success with decluttering a child’s bedroom. The actionable piece I want to share with you today is what I call the 3-Tier System. Without mentioning the word donation or giveaway, you can disguise this decision-making time by inviting your little one to differentiate and accommodate their favourites using this clever tool.
First, gather each item (in this case stuffies) from that category together. It’s important that these items are removed from their containers/shelves/usual spots. They need to be somewhere new for a fresh unbiased perspective. Then, bring in 3 empty baskets or boxes as long as they have wide open tops and can stand on their own. These will be the 3 different tiers of choice. First place, second place and third.
Have a quick chat with your child about what depicts a first place stuffie versus a third, empower them to come up with some criteria before beginning to move any of the fuzzy animals. Point out the physical limit/size of the boxes brought in, and give some rules around overflow. In other words, each tier has a clear visual max that needs to be adhered to.
Next, make it a game, if kids can play their way through things, they are so much more likely to engage. So add tossing, points, a race, any sort of healthy competition (where they are the winner of course haha) so that they feel good and happy during the process. And once the tiered boxes are full, have them notice if there’s any left on the floor or bed and allow them to make 1-2 final swaps while still celebrating their hard work and how wonderful their choices have been. Plan to store the 2-lower-tiered stuffies away, in a closet or other storage for now. And keep only the first place toys in their bedroom, in a designated container that fits the inventory.
KEEP THE FLOW
Create the intention that before receiving new toys and gifts at their next birthday, they need to create space by letting go of as many of these lower-tiered items first. Motivate them with the prospect of new exciting toys, while celebrating their bravery of letting go.
Keep the balance, keep the manageability, keep the peace. Teach them that they can have more, but that comes after the process of choosing to create less!
